We've always liked to use food to enhance our sex ever since we read "Like Water for Chocolate" and that book by Marquez where the wacky dictator puts asparagus into the vaginas of the local towns women. I think that is actually where we got the idea from, sophomore year of college literature class. We passed notes back and forth to each other describing what we were going to eat off of one another and how we would become human sundaes. Jesus we ruined a lot of bed sheets back then. Now we just rip the shower curtain off the rod when we feel like human sundaes.

We were both excited to hear from the Starr Report that Bill Clinton got freaky in the Oval Office just like the wacky dictator in the Marquez book; Clinton just substituted cigars for asparagus. Jenny and I scanned the report for anything good to try, no new food, just some kink.

Our food fucks (as we began to call them) got more elaborate as we got older. We were no longer satisfied with just busting open the Hershey's syrup and having at it. They began to evolve. Preparation of a meal began to play a larger part.

Foreplay begins at the supermarket. We like to go to the market across town. It's a touch out of the way but there they always have samples and better quality produce. We go there and play silly pass the grape games, eat mango slices out of each others mouths, lick pineapple juice off of each other and gobble down as many samples as we can. The foreplay begins hours before the table is even set...